A 26 year old man has today revealed his plans for becoming accomplished at something.
Whereas the mass of the population will simply get things done, Mike Hayes, currently unemployed, has painstakingly amassed a great stockpile of insults and put-downs which will one day soon prove invaluable.
"At first I thought I was just rubbish at life. However, now I see the genius of my unconscious mind. The ceaseless self-sabotage that is but a means to provide me with an ever-growing consortium of people saying that I'm useless; which will soon reach a critical mass, a tipping-point, when I shall stand for their disapprobation no longer. It is at that point that, when the night is darkest, the dawn of my life shall break."
Mike is confident that, though there is no sign of it yet, change is just around the corner. "I have worked harder than anyone I know to harness the explosive power of the oppressed man, and build the foundations of a life that cries, "I shall not be defeated!" Like Freddie Mercury said, "I've had my share of sand kicked in my face, but I've come through!”
"Admittedly he already had a few platinum albums behind him by the time he wrote that. And obviously he had one of the finest singing voices of the century. But that's just the point isn't it. I don’t have anything, which is going to make mine an even greater success story than his."
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