Fitness instructors revealed as liars

There was astonishment at a local gym today, as it emerged that fitness instructors knowingly misled customers about the number of reps they had left to perform.

Fledgling gym-goer, Jennifer Flanders, said "Rachel seems like a nice person, you know, beneath all the yelling and hauteur. However there seems to be a problem with her memory. Often's the time she tells me "Just one more rep!", yet having completed said rep, she'll follow it with something like "That's it. Keep going!", almost like she can't remember her first sentence at all."

High Intensity Interval Trainer, Katy Adderall, explained, "You may argue it's semantic, but I have never in all my six years on the job lied. When I say "just one more!" that's what I mean. And then one more, and then one more, and so on... Frankly I don't see where the confusion is."

Gym-veteran, James Miles, 32, told us the revelation wouldn't have any impact on his workout routine. "As an ardent masochist on a budget you can't find better value than a circuits & abs class. Of course you have to find the right instructor; one who'll really put you through your paces, but when you do it's like an hour of S&M virtually for free; plus my arms get bigger."

The effectiveness of the technique has caused moral philosophers to revise previously held opinions on the value of truth. Professor Dean, Head of Ethics, Moxbridge University, said  "John Mill once wrote that the truth of something is an integral part of its utility. Well, my resting BPM is 42, and I'm dating someone less than half my age. Hedonically calculate that."

Your appearance when you first look in the mirror is how you appear to others

The hopes of mirror-viewers nationwide took a knock today, as it emerged that your appearance when you first look in the mirror is how you invariably appear to others.

Research shows that mirror-viewers will often modify their hair and tilt their faces to cast themselves  in the best possible light. However, it also shows that within moments most people’s faces will have moved to a new position relative to the light source, and their hair will have reverted to its previous state of unbecoming disarray.

Clive Jones, 27, told us “This news comes as a real shock to me. I’d always thought that once I’d primped my hair and hit the town no-one would detect my grimly receded hairline. It seems I was wrong."

Meanwhile, Michael Oliver, 29, explained, ”Despite my advanced years I’ve always gone for the windswept, laid-back, indie look. If I’m honest I can’t say any girl’s ever gone for it, at least, not since my freshers year of uni. But I swear to you that in those precious, fleeting seconds in the gent’s before I head back to my depressingly male-dominated corner booth, I look like peak bloody Zach Effron. No study's taking that away from me."