The Labour leadership race today took an unexpected turn,
with the chasing pack of contenders – all trying to catch runaway front-runner,
Jeremy Corbyn - saying that Corbyn wouldn’t make as good a leader as them. This
marks a departure from previous contests, in which candidates made lengthy speeches explicating how their opponents exceed them by all meaningful measures, and ending with an apology for wasting everyone’s time.
Liz Kendall, currently last in the polls, said, “It’s
remarkable that so unelectable a candidate as Jeremy should garner so much
support from the electorate. Labour needs to pick a real potential next prime-minister,
or risk fading into insignificance. Someone less popular, that is.”
“My campaign is this. It’s vital that we engage with the 30%
of the electorate who didn’t vote in the last election, particularly young
people. That’s why we’re going to spray them with sewage and tell them to fuck
off. Politics is closed, shit-heads.”
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