Wayne Hicks, lockdown furloughee, today visited his local Tesco Express to purchase toilet roll, essential products such as toiletries being among the few valid reasons to enter a shop.
Wayne explained "I entered the shop and headed directly for the toiletries section, being sure to respect the two metre distancing rule at all times. However, as I picked up the 1-roll pack of loo toilet paper, a curious thirst came upon me, and to my consternation I realised that it could only be quenched by a nice, cold, three or four packs of San Miguel. I picked these up and hastened to the till. By serendipity I espied some varieties of Walkers Sensations, and was struck by the epiphany that these might make a fine accompaniment to the alcoholic beverages that I had chanced upon. Given that I was already in the shop - for my essentials toilet roll that is - I scooped up several.
As I reached the till, I placed the toilet roll upon the desk, and happened to make mention of the fact - loudly, in case she were hard of hearing - that this toilet roll would be a load off my mind. "Oh, and I nearly forgot!", as I looked down in surprise at my basket, "since I'm already here, I might as well be taking these" and placed the 16 440ml cans of beer and several family size packs of crisps atop the counter.
As the cashier dutifully scanned my items through, I spotted a shiny locker behind her. ”Cigarettes you say? Perhaps it's time I gave them a try.”
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