Feature length public announcement to star Liam Neeson

In an attempt to redress Ed Miliband’s public credibility gap before the upcoming general election, Labour have commissioned a feature-length public announcement video, to star Hollywood alpha-male, Liam Neeson, in the leading role of Mr Miliband.

“We have taken on board voter feeling that for whatever reason Ed is not seen as a Leader-in-Waiting of these great isles. However, we are confident that with Mr Neeson on board we’ll soon have you stupid plebs drooling at the prospect; like one of Pavlov’s more feeble-minded canines at the tinkling of a bell”, said one Miliband aide.

Neeson, most identifiable for his universally lauded “I will find you, and I will kill you” speech, in the hit action-movie Taken, is looking forward to taking on the challenging role of Mr Miliband.

"They (Ed's colleagues, et al) keep trying to tell me about his childhood to provide something called a "back-story" - whatever one of those is." said Neeson. "But I think I'll just do what I normally do. Summon a slightly painful childhood memory – like the time I tried to pour some Cocoa Pops, but there was only that browny-white fluff left – and dwell closely on that. Then a few months later everyone’ll say how brilliant I am. Easy.”

However, there has been opposition among the back-benches to the policy. Former Deputy Prime-Minister John Prescott said “Why should we be blowin' ‘arf budget on that Irish nonce when we could ‘av Ray Winston’ off that one they’re always showin' at the moment... Bet 365.”

When the public was asked if the proposed film was likely to make a difference in how they voted it asked who Ed Miliband was.

Liam Neeson's acting coach.